Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Why do older siblings always hate younger siblings?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Why is it that women are stronger than men nowadays?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t cotton to rapists

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I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

How do I get fit at home?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I can count

Can I have a comfortable life as a nurse in Sweden? Can I buy a house and not worry about the cost of living?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

What caused the Democratic Party's 2024 presidential campaign to implode so horrifically?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

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I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Why do Christians think voting for Trump is any better than voting for Kamala Harris?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Is GATE tougher than JEE?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

What is your twin flame story?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

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I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I can read

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I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I actually pay taxes

I see through liars

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have a reading level above third grade

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: